Purpose Beyond Revenge Ch. 1

((Also known as me copy and pasting NINE YEAR OLD fanfic from old LJ. Christ I am old))

There was no life in the apartment overlooking the skyline of Coruscant. There was a man, but there was no life, just existence. No noise came from the holovid, no light seeped from under the doors, and no sounds of movement. Nothing at all indicated that someone lived there. The air within the apartment was dark and heavy, a feeling that was reflected by the man sitting in the sill of the open window. He looked down at the sprawling metropolis and the bustling life and noise just echoed against him. He was empty. No matter how many bottles of Corellian whiskey he went through, nothing within him stirred. There was no slurred speech, no stumbling about, or fevered ranting. No matter how many glasses he poured, there was no effect. They didn’t fill the hole aching inside him, did nothing to cool the smoldering anger. There was just emptiness, where life used to be. Carth Onasi was a shell of a man.

His skin was slick with the alcohol-induced fever as he continued to stare out his lonely apartment window. It had been days since he had eaten anything with real substance, and it seemed as though he had spent just as long contemplating in the window. There were no thoughts of suicide filling him, just an aching emptiness. Beyond that emptiness was a slow, smoldering anger, one that Carth had long learned to suppress. It was that anger that got him placed on an “extended leave of absence” from the Republic Admiralty. It was that anger that caused him to try and hijack a Republic Starship, and according to the report his plan was to “try and shove it down that schutta Saul’s throat.” It hadn’t been pretty, and after a night of sleeping it off in the Republic brig he had been told to go home and rest. But there was no rest for him, his only purpose was revenge, and it seemed he would never get that revenge. Until his holovid rang.

It took him several minutes to register the sound; he had almost forgotten what it sounded like. He hastened to put several empty bottles out of view of the holovid screen before he placed himself before it, unconsciously standing at military rest. The screen flickered to life and the image of an older woman wavered before him, even though the image was solid blue he recognized her and her Republic uniform immediately. There was a slight stirring of excitement in his breast, and he quickly squashed it down. No reason to raise his hopes for nothing.

“Greetings, Admiral Dodonna,” Carth answered, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“A little of this a little of that, how are you holding up?” The older woman’s eyes misted with pity, Carth hated that look. He always got that look from everyone. He was beginning to hate their sympathy, and it never did anything to ease the ache within.

“About as well as can be expected, Admiral,” he responded stiffly, feeling that familiar void of emotion pass over him. It made it easier to handle empty condolences and reassures of “It is the way of the Force,” that offered him no comfort.

“I see. Well, I’m sure you know this wasn’t much of a social call.”

“I gathered as much from the uniform, Dodonna. Social calls don’t usually involve full dress.”

A real smile passed across Dodonna’s face, “Yes, I should have known that I couldn’t get anything past Carth Onasi. To get straight to the point, because I know how you like to be direct: you’ve been reactivated.”

That cold anger uncoiled in his gut and grumbled at him like a hungry beast, “Reactivated?”

“Yes, we have a mission for you. The Republic has granted a command ship to Jedi Council. They’re conducting some sort of scouting mission, and we’re providing personnel for them. We want you there in an advisory position to their Commander.”

“A scouting mission?” Carth furrowed his brow in confusion, “So why do they need Republic assistance?”

“The Jedi in charge of the mission is Jedi Bastila.”

The beast within him was growling now, its cold anger creeping through his veins and warmed him to his core. Bastila and her Battle Meditation. Being around Bastila would bring fighting. Fighting would mean Sith. Sith meant Saul. That desire for revenge tore through him, singing promises to him that he struggled to hide from Dodonna.

For a long moment he just stared at Dodonna.

“Where do I report in?”

*****************

There were voices… and there was blackness surrounding her, choking her, and she didn’t have a name… This realization struck her more than the aching cold darkness she was floating in….”Why don’t I have a name?” She thought and the whispers grew louder, “If they would shut up long enough I could remember…”

The voices grew, and her head ached. Their soft cadence stabbed into her mind… probing and searching…the buzz grew louder and she clapped her hands over her ears to keep them out.

”STOP IT!” she screamed into the void, the echo coming back and knocking her to her knees. Part of her was amused, how can she fall to her knees if there is nothing to stand on?

This is the only way, I FEEL it.

The voices were clearer now, but they still hurt… molten carbonite being poured through her ears and into her mind…freezing and burning at the same time, acid coursing down the invisible channels of her mind.

What if it just brings the Dark Lord back?

There must be another way…

Whatever it was, she just wanted them to leave her alone. Whatever they were talking about, she had nothing to do with it. Didn’t she?

This is our only hope. I can handle it. I swear to you. Give me a chance.

The conviction in that voice tightened around her, possessive and tight, crushing her with an almost physical vice. It hurts to breathe… and my head… why are they in my head?

Very well, and remember what she was, what she could become again. Do not let her fall again. Be always mindful of the Path of the Dark Side. Once you start down the Dark Path, forever will it dominate your destinies.

Suddenly the void opened, and she saw light. It pulled to her. It promised her no more voices and no more pain. She would be able to breathe again. She struggled towards that light like a drowning man floundering to break to the surface of water. Suddenly, without warning, the light streaked forward, blurring together like star lines in hyperspace. It blinded her, and tears stung her eyes as she was thrust forward…. What was my name? Images rushed at her too quickly to comprehend, filling her until she was overflowing, her mind full of their heady scents and sensations. What was her name?

Koren Renata.

**********

I would rather be buffing the floors of a Rancor pit than be here right now. Being back on board a command ship wasn’t the dream he was hoping it to be, although he felt more alive these past few weeks than he had in over two years. His constant source of irritation: Bastila Shan. Bastila had to be the most annoying Jedi that Carth had ever met. If he had known what he was signing up for, he would’ve run for the hills. Babysitting a prideful Jedi was the last thing on his list of “fun things to do.” She was headstrong, and while she was in charge of the Endar Spire, she had no head for strategy or military thinking. Bastila just ordered everyone around and glowered when it took too long or they didn’t understand her. She was very young as well, and for some reason it made worse her “immortality and know-it-all” attitude of youth. Carth was on board in an advisory position, but any advice he tried to give her was answered with disdain.

As she kept clamoring on at the rear of the bridge to her Jedi entourage, Carth was beginning to think she was vying for a position as the most annoying human being as well. Barely covering a grimace, Carth leaned over his; no he corrected himself, Bastila’s Navigator. “How are we doing, Lieutenant? Still on course for Dantooine?”

“Everything is in the green, Captain Onasi,” Lieutenant Jaris glanced at Carth expectantly, “We should be there within 6 hours. Give or take.”

“Good. If I have to hear ‘Are you so certain the Jedi Council would agree’ one more time, I might have to hurt someone, and I don’t care if they carry a lightsaber.”

Carth was rewarded with several snickers that were quickly covered by fits of coughing and he felt slightly better. Now if I could only do something about this thrice-damned headache.

“Captain Onasi,” his headache called, and Carth straightened with a groan before turning to face Bastila.

“Yes, Jedi Bastila?”

“Are you sure that we’re on the most direct course for Dantooine?”

How can she make the word “direct” so coarse and pompous sounding? “Well, if by most ‘direct’ you mean ‘safest,’ then yes we are.” Carth clasped his hands behind his back in military rest to hide the fists he was making.

Bastila closed the distance across the Bridge of the Endar Spire in long, graceful strides, her entourage several paces behind her. They made it look choreographed, like they practiced it in that Academy of theirs. Bastila stopped in front of him, scrunching her face like she had stepped in bantha droppings. That headache was throbbing now, and Carth had a feeling it was a few words from a full-blown migraine.

“We were ordered to report immediately to Dantooine,” Bastila had a nice voice, melodious, it was a shame it didn’t match her personality. “I’m sure the Jedi Council would not agree with us taking unnecessary detours.”

More coughing. Out of Carth’s peripheral vision, he noticed several quickly lowered heads.

Yep, it’s a migraine. “Jedi Bastila,” Carth mentally counted to ten, she was just a kid after all, yelling wouldn’t help anything, “I know I am here purely in an advisory role, but I fail to see how flying into known Sith space will make our trip any safer. We’re over-staffed and loaded down with civilians. I am not going to put their lives in danger so you can speak to the Jedi Council in person a few hours earlier. Especially when a coded message would be much faster than flying close to the enemy.” He added snidely.

Bastila’s eyes flashed, and he could tell he hit a nerve, “Captain Onasi, if we may talk privately.”

“Am I going to get some answers?”

“We must talk. Privately.” She turned on her heel and called back over her shoulder with a tone in her voice that boded no arguments, “And change our course. We must arrive in time.”

Carth nodded to Jaris, who began re-entering coordinated in the navi-computer. Carth could already feel the Endar Spire making course adjustments by the time he reached the corridor.

About damn time I got some answers around here. It had taken far too long for the Jedi to come clean with this “top-secret” mission of theirs. It involved Bastila, the Republic’s most important weapon in this war. So there was no way this was simply a “scouting mission.” There were plenty of scouting missions in deployed right now. No need for more with a ship as heavily staffed as this one, and certainly no call for possibly the most important Jedi alive today to be there with her entourage. Dodonna was very closed-lipped about what sort of mission the Jedi were on. He didn’t think it was an issue of her not telling him everything, but rather the Jedi not telling her everything. He had known Dodonna longer than that, and she wouldn’t let him fly in the blind, and the fact that the Jedi Council was willing to do so with so many Republic citizens had put him on his guard ever since he read the manifest.

Too many people, most of them untrained, and the Endar Spire not the right kind of ship for flying into Sith-patrolled space without a much larger escort. The extra crew made them suspicious. They were manned like they were headed for the front lines, but with no weapons to use once they got there. Compound that to the fact that Bastila had been ordering them to orbit planets he knew to be under Sith surveillance… she was looking for something, that much he was certain of. She was going to get them all killed before she found what she was looking for. It was all too confusing. He had tried diplomacy, maybe switching tactics would help. As he followed Bastila to the Captain’s quarters, Carth sincerely hoped their upcoming conversation would help ease his tension headache. But he doubted it.

Purpose Beyond Revenge Ch. 2

Copy and paste nine year old fanfic, try not to judge too much. Hah.

****************

“So, do we have a problem?” Jedi Bastila sat at her command desk, staring haughtily at Carth. She reminded him of one of those statues on Coruscant. Then again, the statues certainly had more warmth.

Carth self-consciously ran his hand through his hair before sitting across from her. “I just have so many questions.” He allowed himself to glare at her. “And you damned Jedi are so secretive about everything. I don’t like flying into anything blind. Even more so, I don’t like leading hundreds of Republic Soldiers and citizens around blindly. I know you Jedi aren’t supposed to make connections to others or succumb to emotions, but I care if something happens to these people. I’ve been in the military a long, long time. In that time I have seen a lot of innocent people die, and I am tired of trying to explain to families what happened to their loved ones. You are taking our ship way too close for my liking to Sith-occupied territory. I want to know what to expect. If we’re headed for a firefight, I want to know so I can prepare our men.”

Carth blinked, shocked at his own vehemence. He was standing over Bastila’s desk, he didn’t even recall getting out of his chair. He had a fist raised that he didn’t remember making. All the while, Bastila just stared at him. Her eyes made him uncomfortable, it was as though she was trying to see through him. If she was hurt by what Carth had said, she made no sign. It seemed as though nothing could cause a ripple across that stony exterior of hers.

The musky scent of Corellian whiskey filled the air, and that slow rolling anger burned in his gut. Carth shook his head in surprise, she was playing with his mind. Carth glowered at Bastila, “I would appreciate it if you would not intrude in my thoughts, Bastila. That is not very Jedi of you to do without asking.”

Bastila’s eyebrows shot up towards her hair line, her first outward change since their conversation had started. The smell evaporated from the room abruptly. “You have a lot of anger within you, Carth Onasi. You do not trust me, which is unfortunate. We are on the same side after all. I don’t think it is proper that the crew looks to you every time I give an order. I am in charge and I have full backing of the Jedi Council. I shouldn’t have to have my orders second guessed by someone who is just here in an advisory position.”

Carth shot an accusatory finger at Bastila, “Allies don’t keep secrets from each other. Jedi don’t sneak into their subordinate’s minds. No, I do not trust you, Bastila. I don’t trust anyone. You and your council are up to something and I am going to find out what.” With that he spun on his heel and slapped the door panel to her office.

“Onasi, wait… you’re right.” He froze at the door and turned his head slightly to stare at Bastila. She looked chagrined and he felt the tiniest bit guilty for yelling at her. He never was good at handling women.

“I’ll tell you everything, please, sit.” She indicated the chair across from her.

Carth hesitated for a moment, but made his way back to his chair. He was about to sit when the Endar Spire rocked to a halt, knocking him off balance and causing him to ram his hip against Bastila’s desk. Biting back a hiss of pain, he spared a look at Bastila, she looked pale. “What was that?”

Bastila’s eyes turned inwards and she withdrew into herself. Damn, thought Carth, she’s gone all Jedi on me. He left her sitting there, staring off into space as he sprinted to the bridge. Something had pulled them out of hyperspace. It could be nothing, but the look on Bastila’s face and the way his skin was starting to feel tight made him think otherwise. His nerves were a taunt bowstring by the time he made it to the bridge. There was a flurry of activity. The Jedi accompanying Bastila were staring into themselves, and nearly everyone else was standing at their stations shouting in confusion.

“Report!” His command voice stilled them immediately; he was pleased to find he still had it in him. Everyone calmed and Jaris stepped forward.

“There was some type of gravity sink that pulled us out of hyperspace. Scans indicate that we’re currently over the planet of Taris, but we cannot locate the source of the disruption.”

The door opened behind him, and Bastila strode onto the Bridge serenely. When she opened her mouth to speak, it seemed as though her voice echoed hollowly, the sensation making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

“The Sith are here.”

Carth spun toward the main viewport and gaped as what seemed to be a cloud erupted from behind the planet Taris. The cloud broke apart and separated into an endless number of Sith Starfighters. They would be on them in seconds. His stomach lurched as he realized how quickly they would be in firing range.

“Captain, they have us in some kind of tractor beam! We have lost control of the Endar Spire!”

“Captain Onasi, we have more targets coming from Point 35!”

Carth went cold. We have no time, dammit, we don’t even have proper defenses… “Get our shields up!” Carth spared a glance for Bastila, she was speaking in hurried tones to her Jedi entourage. He watched as one of them nodded at Bastila and broke off from the group and left through the door that led to the Port-side Dormatories. What are they up to?

“Sir, the Sith have opened fire!”

Carth felt his stomach drop out from under him. There was no way they could all survive this. He looked at Bastila, he had to get her off the Endar Spire but how many of his fellow crew members will he have to sacrifice to ensure she made it to safety?

Purpose Beyond Revenge Ch. 3

((more copy and paste un-beta'd KOTOR Fanfic. My apologies))

Ugh...did anyone get that swoop racer's ID number?

Carth's head was trying to spin itself off his shoulders and he felt the familiar sensation of warmth and the copper taste of blood in his mouth. He was hanging upside down and there was blood trickling down into his eyes. That cold thing was still in his stomach, letting him know he hadn't been out for long. It still sang of battle and Sith blood that had been spilled. He dangled from his escape pod seat, trying desperately to blink the blood out of his eyes. I couldn't have been out for long. My ears are still ringing from impact. I got to get out of here though, before the Sith arrive

A moan came from the other side of the escape pod and Carth realized that what he thought was an empty chair was actually the seat that had formerly been beside him. It had snapped from the wall at some point in their re-entry and now there was someone trapped beneath it.

"Schutta."

His mind was still foggy from the impact, and the cold thing in his gut wrapped around his core and took over. Carth watched as if from outside himself as his body unbuckled itself and fell as lightly as it could either side of the broken seat. He had done this several times during the Mandalorian Wars, and countless times on Telos, his body took over as his heart and mind went somewhere else. Not wanting to deal with the pain of dealing with the injured right away, he'll deal with it later. Like he always did. His mind barely registered that the body he was rescuing was a woman and it appeared as though she was bleeding badly from a gash in her side. It looked as though she had a cut on her head to match his somewhere beneath her ebony hair. He recognized her from the Endar Spire but he mind was too far in it's own world to put everything together right away.

He remembered her climbing into the escape pod before him. He remembered the explosion that rocked the Endar Spire as they jettisoned into space. He supposed that had something to do with the chair being knocked loose. It was also the likely culprit of his gashed head, and his inability to remember anything before the landing.

He gathered the survival packs that were stowed away in the compartments. Carth was beginning to hear airships and sirens. The Sith would be here soon; they had to get out of here and fast. He spared a quick moment to pray that the woman had no spinal injuries before gathering her up into his arms. She was lighter than she should've been and she began moaning in pain the moment he picked her up.

The bit of Carth that was still feeling hoped for her sake he found shelter. And soon.

********************************

The main corridor of the apartment complex was dark, dingy, and dirty. And not necessarily in that order. The smell of tabaac smoke and the stench of desperate living wrinkled Carth's nose and drove the last remaining hold his cold anger had on him. He could hear skittering along the walls that he hoped didn't indicate vermin, but the smell made him think that it might be a hope made in vain. Carth passed countless doors, each one cracked open a tiny bit and what little light was in the hall revealed glittering, alien features. Features that quickly disappeared in a rush as each door slid shut as he past.

Carth was beginning to lose hope he would find shelter, he clutched the unknown woman in his arms. He had to tend to her wounds soon, or she would lose too much blood to be saved. He already had the deaths of countless soldiers and civilians from the Endar Spire weighing down on him, he didn't need the death of the only one to make it to him and the escape pods weighing on him as well.

I should've ordered them all to the escape pods right away. What was I thinking of ordering them to the Bridge? No one made it in time to help. I probably got countless people killed trying to follow my orders when they should've just run to the nearest escape pod bay.

"You a Republic, soldier?" A voice, dry as rice paper, crackled out from the darkness. It grated against Carth's skin and he felt that cold part of him grip his chest. He was so lost in his thoughts and self-recrimination that he didn't sense the owner of the voice approaching.

"Just a man looking for shelter. Who's asking?" Carth squinted at the dark corner the voice came from.

A light flickered on in a hidden alcove Carth didn't notice before, when his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, he recognized it as a janitor's station. An old man wearing a janitor's uniform shambled out from the corner and leered at him.

"No need to lie, boyo. You stink of battle and blood," the man pointed a wrinkled finger at him, "You're one of those Republic soldiers that escaped from the space battle above, aren't you? A Sith sure as hell wouldn't have come in here all tippy-toe like you did."

Carth bristled; he didn't like the vibes he was getting from the old man. His guns were unreachable, unless he wanted to drop the woman in his arms. With her head injury, that struck him as a Very Bad Idea. Just like how letting Bastila leave without him had been a Bad Idea and just how him taking this assignment had been a Terribly Bad Idea.

"Look, all we need is a place to stay. We were just civilians on that Republic ship. There's no need to call the Sith."

"Call the Sith?" the old man laughed, "Why would I go and do a thing like that? And don't lie to me again, sonny. She might have been a civilian, but YOU scream soldier from head to toe, don't need no uniform to tell."

Carth sighed as the tension rushed out of his body all at once and he grinned wearily at the old man, "I get that all the time. Too much time at the academy I guess. So, do you have a place we can stay? I need to treat her wounds quickly if I am going to be of any help to her."

"I sure do, boyo. Follow me," the old man shuffled past Carth and led him down the hall, "Name's Kadir, by the by, used to serve in the Republic myself before my leg went all bum on me. Now I'm just in charge of keeping this here building clean and in working order."

Carth smartly kept his mouth shut and tried to shift his burden into a more comfortable position.

"You couldn't have picked a better place to hide out though. Nobody but illegal aliens living here. Sith raids quite frequently but the never bother with this apartment." Kadir stopped in front of an apartment. Carth could see nothing that set it apart from all the others.

"What makes it so special? Last thing we need is a Sith searching our hideout."

A wide grin broke out across Kadir's face, gracing Carth with an intimating view of some brown teeth, "The Sith think the door is broken."

Kadir demonstrated by pressing the door pad, it gave a sickly sounding chirrup but didn't open. Then he reached up and touched a nondescript panel several feet above the door pad and the door slid open.

"I can jam the lock for you so not even that panel will work. Once the Sith finish searching the apartments I'll come back and unlock the doors for you. This is where a lot of the tenants hide their contraband. Healing supplies are behind a panel in the refresher room. Food and booze in a panel in the floor of the kitchen. Weapons are in there too, but I kindly ask you leave those alone. The Sith like to make life hell for the other tenants. They lock up people for any excuse they can think of. So they keep most of their questionable stuff in here. Make use of whatever healing devices you need, just try and keep it light. We can't always make it to Zelka's and he takes a big risk every time he helps an alien."

Carth stepped into the apartment; it was much cleaner than the hallway. The smell was even gone, he supposed it was kept that way to keep the Sith from bothering the tenants here too much. Carth strode over to one of the beds and laid the woman down as gently as he could. Kadir puttered behind him and disappeared into what Carth assumed was the refresher. He turned a few minutes later with some medical supplies in hand.

Carth glanced over his shoulder at the old man, "So what's wrong with being an alien here?"

Kadir snorted, "Most Tarisians like to think they're high and mighty. Makes them feel better about Taris not being the intergalactic trading hub anymore. You've got Upper City Taris, that's where we are now, aliens aren't allowed to hold housing here and any businesses are 'gently' persuaded to take up residence in Lower City Taris. Lower City is just a bunch of swoop gangs and lowlifes. And whatever your business here is, avoid Under City at all costs. There is a disease running rampant through all the outcasts down there. So you're best bet it to wait up here for the Sith blockade to leave."

"Sith blockade?!" Carth dropped the med pack he was unwrapping. Finding Bastila will do no good if we can't leave... Get it together, Onasi. One thing at a time. Get the girl healed up, find Bastila, and then worry about a way off this rock.

"Yeah, nasty little buggers have been bleeding us out for a couple of months now with that damned blockade. Word came down on the holo-vids that now they're not letting anyone off world anymore. So, you take your time resting up. It looks like you'll be here for a while. I'm going to go now and lock you all up. I'll come back and release the lock once the Sith finish searching for Republic survivors. They should be here any minute knocking things over, so keep her quiet and you should be fine."

The old man turned to go and Carth reached out for him, "Hey, Kadir...thanks. I'll find someway to repay you. I promise."

"Don't worry about it, soldier to soldier. They always help each other out."

Purpose Beyond Revenge Ch. 4

((mostly unbetad fic))

The air was thick with smoke; each step seemed to beat the air out of his lungs. His skin was tight from the heat of the fires, and he couldn’t find her.

“Morgana!” Carth cried, sending pebbles skittering over rubble with each footstep.

“Dustil!”

Search and Rescue teams rushed around Carth from all sides. There were countless people screaming for lost family. They were searching beneath fallen stone and praying to find anyone or anything that had been there scant hours before. Buildings broken into loose rock, streets melted into glass, all while that forsaken smoke seemed to drain the last of their spirit. There was no sign of either of them.

“MORGANAAAAAA!” Carth felt his voice tear and doubled over into a fit of coughing. His uniform gloves came back bloody. He had to find her, fast. If the smoke was doing this to him, Force knows what it had done to someone trapped beneath it for hours.

“C-C-arth?” Her voice called to him brokenly. Lying beneath what was once their kitchen table. His heart broke at the sight.

“Morgana!” Carth crawled to her side, the sharp rubble beneath him cutting his hands and knees. He lifted the heavy Telosian Oak table off of his wife and fell to her side. She was alive; that was all that mattered.

“C-arth…the Sith…. Dustil’s gone…” Her eyelids fluttering like wounded birds, Morgana’s face was filthy save for two streaks down her cheeks where her tears fell.

“I know, baby, it was the Sith. It was Saul,” he said, anger creeping into his voice as her clutched her hand, “I should’ve known something was wrong the other night. The things he was saying… I should’ve known. I’m sorry, baby. This is all my fault. If I had told Dodonna… they would’ve changed the security codes. I’m sure of it! I’m so sorry, baby… It’s all my fault…”

“Shh-Carth…It’s not…your…fault.” Morgana sighed and Carth noticed for the first time the growing stain on her side. He pressed his hand against her wound and his hand came back covered with thick blood. It was almost black. His heart froze at the sight of it, he knew what it meant, but he didn’t want to accept it.

“MEDIC!”

“Carth, I’m glad… you found me… I love you…” Morgana closed her eyes and all the tension seemed to melt out of her body. Carth gathered her up into his arms and crushed him to his chest.

“Morgana, please don’t go…please…I need you,” Carth whispered softly. Tears streamed down from his eyes, tracing twin tracks down his face.

“I NEED A MEDIC!” Carth’s voice broke and he wailed his anguish to the smoke filled sky. Her body grew cold much faster than it should have. It wasn’t supposed to work this way, HE was the soldier, and HE was the one that should die in the middle of a battle. This never should have happened.

It was all his fault.

He didn’t remember getting up and leaving her side. He didn’t recall the headlong run he took down the hill towards the Medic team that was two houses away. He did remember loosing his balance over a rock and colliding into the wall of a broken home. He remembered the sickening crack it made as the wall broke. The last thing he remembered before the darkness took him was the thought:

“It was all my fault.”

**********************

Carth jerked awake leaning against the wall of the refresher. He must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for the water streaming off of him to turn from pink to clear. He couldn’t tell how much of it was his. It seemed to have taken forever to get the girl in the other room to stop bleeding. Thankfully, she hadn’t needed sutures. He was able to close up her lacerations with some wound glue and packed them tight with kolto poultices. She hadn’t woken the entire time he treated her, and didn’t make a sound when the Sith search parties trampled past their hiding place. Kadir kept his word, the apartment door made that sick chirruping sound each time the Sith tried to open it. Carth had even heard them yelling at him to get it fixed. The walls were too thick for Carth to hear Kadir’s dry response but from the sound of a blow landing, Carth figured the Sith hadn’t liked it.

Carth’s nerves were beginning to wear out; the adrenaline had thinned out of his blood, leaving him shivering and weak. He had learned about combat high at the Academy, but it had been years since he had felt it so strongly. He just stood in the refresher, waiting for the shivering to pass. Now matter how long he stood there in the scalding water, it wouldn’t rid him of the cold rock in his stomach.

Carth wrapped a towel around his waist and exited the refresher. The water clicked off as he strode over to the mirror above the sink. He stared at his reflection a long time, trying to remember when he got those wrinkles. He mentally checked off each scar, remembering each battle and each Sith or Mandalorian that gave it to him. His fingers traced the one scar that hadn’t come from battle. A large, circular scar underneath his collarbone. He knew without turning around he had one to match on his back.

He hadn’t thought about that day on Telos in a long time. He thought about killing Saul all the time, but those final moments with Morgana, never. He had been crushed underneath the walls of their neighbor’s house. A support beam had broken off and pierced him through his chest and went all the way through his back, pinning him to the ground. He had spent the days following Morgana’s death in the hospital, suspended in a kolto tank while they buried his wife. By the time he had healed enough to ask questions, there was no trace of his son. He had spent months in the hospital recouping from his injury.

It was during that time, his desire for revenge against Saul had grown. It had grown into this hard thing in his gut that choked him. He hadn’t thought of all that in a long time. He blamed it on his nerves, the lack of sleep, and the fact that he had just carried a woman Morgana’s size out from under the wreckage of their escape pod. That had to be it. He just needed real sleep. Real sleep, and a plan. He needed to find Bastila and then find a way off this rock. He hoped that the woman lying in the next room would be able to help. He had a data pad in his flight jacket. Once he got some rest, he would see if he could find her service records. Then he would do some snooping around town; maybe Kadir would know where he could find some information.

All good ideas, but they would have to wait until tomorrow.

****************************

She was floating in that vast nothingness again. A nameless wind whirled around, rustling her clothes and hair incessantly. She could see and feel herself, which was a vast improvement over last time. She gazed at her hands; they were a stranger's hands. As suddenly as she had appeared here, there was a weight beneath her feet. Her boots clicked on a metal surface and the wind died down as she alighted like a bird coming to roost.

A sound behind her caused her to turn, and the nothingness melted into a battlefield. Terror gripped her throat at the sight of so many bodies. They were all wearing robes, there was no blood, just smoking ruins where there once was whole flesh. They sprawled across the floor in front of her in various poses of death. Her mind registered the large view ports that identified her location as some sort of ship. There was a space battle raging outside, but her eye was drawn to the woman across from her.

The woman was a Jedi. The word jumped into Koren's mind, and immediately Koren identified the woman's opponent as a Sith. The Jedi was young, and she held herself in a barely contained deadly grace. If she was disturbed by so many of her fellows lying around her she made no notice. The woman's young face was a stony mask of determination. Her amber lightsaber blurred into action and in no time her opponent fell to their knees. There was no hesitation in the young woman's eyes, she pounded away at her opponents' defenses until they fell completely and the battle was done. The young woman turned her attention to something behind Koren.

She turned to look at what the woman was staring at, and as she turned the scene melted away again and the floor gave out beneath her. She was falling; it wasn't like the weightlessness of the void. She was falling, and she couldn't see anything except for the cold blackness. Koren screamed. As if they were summoned, the voices returned.

"We must be careful, this could lead us somewhere we do not wish to go."

"It is the only way. Everyone has a chance for redemption."

"I still feel it is unwise. We should just finish it and be done."

"The Jedi do not kill their prisoners."

It seemed as though the voices where pulling her apart. They tore at her mind and left her bare. The words chilled her, and she felt as though she would shatter if she were touched. Koren screamed endlessly, trying to drive the voices out.

As suddenly as she fell, something stopped her headlong descent. It was as though two strong arms plucked her out of the air and wrapped her in warmth. A feeling of security washed over her and suddenly it didn't matter that she couldn't see. Whoever had her would keep her safe, and one day she would wake up. It felt like home.

It was so warm....

***************

Carth shifted uncomfortably. He stared at the entrance to the apartment, trying to see through it and study the Sith Squadron outside. He hoped they hadn't heard his bunkmate's screaming. She couldn't have picked a worse time to have a fit, he was still in his towel and there was a second wave of the Sith search parties were outside their door when she decided to start screaming as though she was being dipped in molten carbonite. It seemed like he stayed frozen for hours, before he heard the Sith leave.

Carth dropped the blaster he had pointed at the door and tightened his grip on the woman in his arms. When he heard the Sith coming the only thing he could think of to quiet her was to hold her. Like he had held Dustil when he had a bad dream. Thank the Force it had worked. It had probably saved their lives. She had curled around his bare side during his vigil, and she looked peaceful. Not at all like she looked when she had started screaming. Carth's hand froze when he realized he had been stroking her hair. He didn't recall moving his hand. He frowned slightly. There was something odd about this woman. She didn't make him feel right; there was something warming in his chest. Warmth he hadn't felt in a long time, and he didn't trust it. There was something wrong. He needed answers.

But he was exhausted. His thirst for answers would have to wait until tomorrow.

Purpose Beyond Revenge Ch. 5

hapter 5 of Purpose Beyond Redemption. Or at least part of it, it might serve to be a little longer. I have to take a break and finger out how to put what happens next into words. Details, details. So many details.



The crowds on Taris weren't as bad as Carth thought they would be, considering all the off-worlders trapped there by the quarantine. He made his way down the bright tarmacs without incident. As sad as it sounded, even with the few hours he has been wandering it's capital city, Carth could tell why the Republic wasn't in a hurry to save this back water world from the Sith. The buildings had once been grand, but when the ever-shifting economic structure changed with the new war, it became too opulent. The Republic Senate started porting their supply lines through more easily defensible worlds closer to the Core Planets. Taris had no other means of economic support, so they slowly slid into decay. It showed in their grand buildings, and it showed in their severe distrust of outsiders and aliens. They blamed off-worlders and non-human sentients for the Republic changing their trade routes. Couldn't be any farther off base, but for a small world that had once tasted glory, there was nothing easier to blame others for their problems. But you would think that they would've done SOMETHING to make them valuable to the Republic again, instead of bitching about it.

He had learned some interesting things at the cantina Kadir had directed him to. Carth loved cantinas during covert ops. It made information gathering SO easy. He had found out that only one other escape pod besides his had landed in the Upper City. A majority of them had fallen into the Under City, which from all accounts sounded like a Very Bad Thing from the way that the people were talking. No mention of Bastila being found, but there was a large reward out for any "Republic Officers" that were turned in for "questioning." Carth was quite happy to hear that a majority of the citizens he had over heard made it VERY clear what they thought of the Sith's "Friendly Occupation." So it seemed that unless Bastila fell into the hands of the very, very greedy, she should be safe long enough for Carth to find her. He'd have to ask Kadir if he knew a way to get down there when he got back to the apartments, but first he had some shopping to do.

Zelka's Medical Supply Shop was deserted, which Carth didn't find surprising with the Sith cracking down on troublemakers, no one wanted to start anything. Well, at least no one SMART wanted to start any trouble. Zelka was a quiet man, and moved with the slow deliberation that Carth had come to associate with all Healers in their "off" time. You get injured in front of them though, and they turn into a hyperactive Jawa in a Droid Swap Meet.

"How can I help you, young man?"

Young man? Hadn't heard that in a while. "I just need to replace these," Carth held out the supplies he had used the night before.

Zelka raised an eyebrow at Carth, "So you're the Republic that Kadir is hiding out. He said you might be by."

Carth just stared at Zelka. As much as he liked Kadir, he didn't know anything about this man other than that he was supplying illegal aliens with healing goods.

Zelka seemed amused by Carth's silence, "Hey, don't worry so much. Here, let me show you something."

Zelka pushed a box of new medical supplies across the counter to Carth and walked over to a nondescript wall. He waved his hand at a spot in the middle of the wall and suddenly the wall slid open to another part of the shop. There were dozens of kolto tanks lining the walls, each of them were occupied. Several of them had medical droids tending to them. Carth recognized several of the men in the tanks from the Endar Spire.

He whirled to face Zelka, "How-"

"I told you not to worry. These poor chaps crashed right next to my shop. I just had to take them in. There, now you know one of my secrets. So you know I won't tell yours."

Relief flooded over Carth, "I need something for a high grade fever. And some blood packs. I also need something for pain and a muscle relaxant. There was stuff in the apartment, but I don't know how old it was or if it was safe to use on a human's metabolism."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. You have someone injured back at the apartment?"

Carth nodded.

"Then you should bring them here, it would be the best way." Zelka walked over to a cabinet and started peering at labels.

"That won't do, she hasn't been awake since the crash, so I can't move her without drawing attention to ourselves. You can't come by because the Sith have had search parties down there three times since last night. I don't want to be held responsible if you get caught down there. Kadir told me how much the tenants there depend on you to get the healing they need. I won't risk it."

Zelka turned and studied Carth, "It's good you grasp the levity of the situation there," He pulled several things off the shelf, "Then again, it should be expected of someone who knows that mixing medicines is different for each species."

"Assessing the levity of any given situation is part of my job, Zelka."

"Just as it is mine. I'll give you these, but if your patient doesn't wake up in three days, I want you to get her here. Any way you can. Any longer than that, and it might be because she's not waking up at all."

*****************

Back at the apartment, Carth's charge was still sleeping when he returned. Her face had lost the peaceful expression she had last night and was replaced with droplets of sweat beading on her brow. Carth pumped her full of the fever medication Zelka had given him, and some nutrients Zelka had insisted he give her. "She can't eat because she's asleep, but you can't let her body starve," Zelka had said. Carth believed him, he was a doctor after all. After making sure she was comfortable, Carth went over to the window of their apartment that over looked Taris. For a moment he was struck by how different, but similar, it looked to his view in Coruscant. He sighed and pulled out the datapad he had squirreled away inside his flight jacket.

"Well, there is no putting it off any longer. Time to find out what the Republic knows about you, beautiful."